Yesterday- Part 1

Yesterday was a day of such extremes that I didn't want the two parts of the day to share a post. So they're not... It took me a little over two hours to get to El Monte in the morning. There was a four-car accident on the 101 that slowed us down in what's normally a pretty quick stretch between freeways. As soon as we recovered from that, we hit the next interchange. When I got to my sister's house, mom was next door. Dad chose not to come- my sister called him un-paternal. I'm not sure why he didn't come, but it's okay. I know we all deal with things in different ways, and I guess his is not at the cemetery. I found out while we were waiting for everyone to be ready to go that Irma had "investigated" and found out where my paternal grandfather is buried- in the same cemetery as my great-niece Alexis. Until yesterday, I didn't know that he was there. I didn't even know for sure if he died before or after I was born, only that I have no memory of him. (My paternal grandmother died when my dad was a child.) It just came up in conversation that dad didn't want to go even though Irma had found out where grandpa is. I asked if we were going to go visit him too, and the answer was something along the lines of "well, if your dad's not going..." The drive up was okay. We talked about Lexie, and about the new baby... (Not sure if I mentioned, but she's pregnant again, and due the 20-something of this month.) I asked again about visiting grandpa, this time adding that I would like to do so. The answer then was "well, your sister left the paper with his grave number at the house," to which I of course replied that if we stopped at the information booth, they could look it up for us. We stopped to get flowers. When we were going through the main gate, I reminded them that we should stop at the information booth to ask where grandpa is. The answer then was "well, we didn't even bring him any flowers." That bugged me... this was no more than 2 minutes after we left the flower place, and there's a flower place inside the cemetery as well. Besides, it wasn't about the flowers, it was about our grandfather. =( So we went up to the Garden of the Innocent, where Lexie is buried. There was a detour due to the construction going on. They're building a lake in what they're calling the Sycamore Valley. It's going to be really nice, actually. Lexie's in that valley. Once the lake is filled, we'll drive by it when we go visit her. The girls and I went to see the new neighbors since we last visited. I know it's not necessarily the case, but I like to think that those other babies and children she's buried by are her playmates now. Unlike with adults who have children and grandchildren to visit them, once parents stop visiting a baby, few will come afterward... so it's personally important to me to find out about the babies near her. Whenever I visit her I try to talk to whoever else is there visiting their kids. Apparently, many of them are SIDS cases, or died the same day they were born. I'm always drawn to the quadruplets a few rows up. I hear that their parents tried for a long time to get pregnant, and they were on fertility treatments. They all died within a day of being born. That must be so hard, after they got their miracle... Mom and my sister started taking cleaning Lexie's stone and arranging flowers. Mom was pressuring us to leave as soon as they were done with that, which I didn't like... I wish we had gone in two cars so I could have stayed longer and reflected a little. We sang happy birthday to Lexie, and then mom gently prodded us back to the car. We're talking about getting a fence for her... some of the gates look much like cribs. So we went to the administration building and Carynna and I got down to ask... the lady at the counter said that they're not allowed at all, and they're removed immediately except for during certain holidays. That puzzled me, because although you don't see them in most places, 80% of the graves in the baby area do have fences. I think we might have to find someone from maintenance to clear that one up... She called someone on the phone and asked about it, and said something like "oh, only carousel?" That must be another baby area. The Garden of the Innocent is in Sycamore Valley, the new area, so it might be a new thing and still puzzling. More on that if we hear more. I was thinking of going back again to spend some time there and find my grandfather... but I had other things to take care of. Some of the paperwork that the lady at the counter gave us said something about a grave locating feature on their website, so I used that today. It was interesting, because using both first and last name turned up nothing, but using only the last name brought him up as one of the hits. (The problem was I didn't realize it wanted last name first. The search was broken when I did first name first.) I'll go see him the next time I'm in town. I also found out that my cousin lost a baby. I never knew that. Apparently, they didn't want to bury her in Arizona where they now live in case they move back. So she was cremated, and my aunt has her ashes. I haven't seen this cousin for years... I'm so behind on the family gossip, huh? For the record: Salvador A Aceves- Died January 11th, 1980 (three years before I was born) Garden of Affection, section 23, lot 7705, grave 1. Alexis Cynthia Beatriz Sanchez- Died Sunday, March 13th, 2005 Garden of the Innocent, section 1, lot 17, grave 1. I'm reminded again that I want to pre-plan my funeral arrangements, and I want my husband and sisters to do the same. I want us to spare each other the pain that we had to bear in planning Lexie's funeral. I know my parents won't do it though. They've pre-purchased their places in a mausoleum, but I doubt they'll discuss funeral services.