I think that there’s something about me that some people may not know. I’m a hopelessly sappy, emotional, romantic person. I cry, more than I care to admit. I’m going to tear up writing this, I can guarantee that. Don’t tell anyone! ;)
There are a couple of things that I feel deep inside that are important to me, to what makes me who I am and defines what I like to see in the people I surround myself with. I thought it was about time I shared that with you...
First of all, some events have shaped my views of the world.
The death of a classmate in the first grade
Back before people knew that children had feelings, back before grief counselors or any such things, I had a classmate in the first grade who died. She was riding a bicycle and got struck by a drunk driver. I understood death, I had had older relatives die before that, and had gone to funerals... but it was the first time that I had had someone near me die that was so young... Before that, death was something that happened to adults, and all of the sudden, at the age of six, it could have been me.
Unfortunately, that was something that I had to deal with on my own, because the school made no effort to ease that burden on us.
I remember looking into Amy’s casket and thinking “she would never have worn that.” Amy was a tomboy, and she was buried in a light blue satin dress. I wrote my first will in the first grade.
I wore a lot of black and white. I struggled with the purpose of our short time on this world at an age I wouldn’t wish upon any other child.
What I learned from Amy’s death: Any day on this world could be our last. It doesn’t matter, ultimately, who we are or what we do, we have to accept the possibility of leaving this life at any moment.
September 11th, 2001
I was at the park with my current boyfriend at the time, in Gloucestershire, England. We had been talking about my return trip, scheduled for the following Saturday, and he kept jokingly telling me that I was going to stay.
We were walking around the park, bicycles in tow, when he got a phone call... When he got off the phone, he told me that I may not be able to go home, and I thought he was just joking with me again. He said we should head back.
Then he got a text message on the way home, saying “turn on the television.”
When we got back to his house, we turned on the television to see fire, smoke, and destruction, along with a plane hitting one of the Twin Towers over and over again on a loop. Although I’ve never been to New York and don’t know anyone who was there, I cried... I think most Americans did.
On a side note, this is when I’m going to take the time to tell you not to fly British Airways. I called them a day or two before my flight, and they still didn’t know if planes would be allowed off the ground by Saturday. Although their website said they’d re-schedule people who were supposed to fly that week, they charged me $150 to change my return ticket. They didn’t tell me this on the phone, just sprung it on me at the check in counter. Do not support BA, they took advantage of poor travellers stuck outside of their countries of origin. I have never flown BA since then.
This is what I learned from 9/11: Never miss a chance to profess your feelings for people you love. The absolute worst stories I heard about 9/11 were those who lost a loved one and never got to say “I love you.” I don’t want someone I know to have “take out the trash” be the last words I say to them! Or even much worse, having a fight on your way out the door to work.
You never know what’s going to happen, you never know when you leave someone’s side if that person will ever come back to you... Be it a spouse, family member, or friend, you don’t know... That’s why it’s important to me that before driving away, before hanging up the phone, before ending an IM conversation, I will end the conversation on a good note. I try to never be shy to say “I love you,” because I don’t know if I’ll get the chance again.
The death of a co-worker
I don’t want to go into too much detail, because this isn’t my family, so it’s not my story to tell. However, I will share what I learned... I realized that I had never told her how much I admired her work, how glad I was that she did the things she did. I always made an effort after that to tell my co-workers (especially those who were subordinate to me) and friends thank you, and let them know how much I appreciate the things they do. Sure, I had already learned to say “I love you,” but even people you don’t love need affirmation too.
The death of my great-niece Alexis
My sister Martha is 15 years older than me, so I was only 7 when she had her first child Cyndi. Cyndi, in turn, was 15 when she had Alexis. I felt like I helped raise Cyndi and her sister and brother, and the baby was an extension of her... I was there when she told her dad she was pregnant, I watched her get all huge, and I watched the baby grow... Then two months later, she was gone. Lexie was born on January 13, 2005 and died of SIDS on March 13, 2005. I couldn’t work, I couldn’t enjoy life... A part of our family was gone, a part of me was gone with it...
The day before the funeral, my friend Jenny Bell, my fiance (now husband) Charles, my sister Irma, and myself spent together at Irma’s house making salads and painting little stars pink and little hearts white... It was the best thing we could be doing, spending that time together. I wish the rest of the family had decided to participate. My friend David then helped us by setting up the auditorium across the street from work for dinner while we were at the funeral, along with some of the lifeguards. I’ll forever love and appreciate Jenny, David, and my friends from work for what they did for our family during our time of need. (And Charles, of course! Now he’s part of our family, so of course I’ll always love and appreciate him, not only for this but for a lot of things!)
What I learned from this experience: Sometimes it takes a village... Charles, Jenny, and David supported Irma and me, but what they were really doing was supporting our whole family. By keeping us sane, and perhaps even strong on our good days, they enabled us to help everyone else... Thank you. I also learned that sometimes it doesn’t matter what you’re doing, but who you’re doing it with. Something as mundane as preparing salads can be so soothing and powerful with the right people...
This is long enough already, so I’ll tell you about what I like in my friends some other time. Moral of the story is: Don’t hold things inside, tell it like it is. If you appreciate or love someone, let them know.
By the way, I define love as the deepest and most sincere respect, admiration, and concern for a person that someone is capable of having. (Then of course, there’s the kind of love I have for my husband, that’s a step above that!) I have many acquaintances, but those friends whom I love, I consider family. You should know who you are.
